I haven't been on blogger in a very long time. It has a completely new look. I kind of slacked off, but it was for a good cause. I have had homework and so many other things that I don't really have a life anymore. Well, it isn't like I ever had one. I've had this sudden urge to go to the movies lately. I guess I miss the popcorn from there.
crappy days ruin my week.
This year has been so blehish. That's not a word, but the word sounds lazy. This year has been lazy, dull, boring. I haven't had any excitement yet. If anything, I keep setting myself up for disappointment. I'm doing fine on grades. The problem is that I don't really know who I talk to anymore. There's a limited amount of people that I can actually have a meaningful conversation with. More than half of that group will be gone next year. I don't know. This year is just depressing in a way. Maybe I'm just saying this because I had a bad day.
i have been in people's conversations.
One thing that I'm completely afraid of are my flaws. I try not to think of my flaws but when I do, I get really affected. They can tear me apart for days. I can be unstable for days. One of the reasons I'm writing today after so long is because I've been thinking a lot lately. I'm pretty sure that by the end of highschool I won't be talking to most of the people I talk to now. I'm pretty sure that alot of people are going to change. I'm also pretty sure that I should stop trying to gain approval from alot of people. The truth is
i know I don't need approval but I crave it. I can't stand the feeling of not being liked or the feeling of rejection. I hate being rejected. I hate when people leave me in doubt. I hate when I try my best and other don't. I hate when I try my best and I still don't win. It sucks that I try my best and others don't care. They don't care and they are the prefered ones and the ones who are congratulated. I'm tired of seeing all that…..
I know… I just needed to let everything out.
I'm pretty sure no one will read this. I don't care… I just needed to vent. I took no grammar into consideration. I seriously try to be the best person I can be… It just sucks when I am told that I need to try even harder. I am a good person. I word hard to be a good person… Nobody has the right to tell me otherwise. No one has the right to call me inconsiderate because I try SO HARD to please people. I take so many things into consideration. The funny thing is that I am corrected by those who have the most flaws. I will be the bigger person. I will let it go…
