I need a map.

I have become a person very different from my former self. I do not care about people as much as I used to. Before, I used to ravish in the idea of meeting new people. The truth is that I am not a person that people categorize as "worth-meeting." I stay quiet and cause awkward situations with my odd sense of humor. I do not find people funny at all and my ability is to tell jokes is poor. When I do meet someone that is funny enough for me, I do not know how to react. Of course my first reaction is to laugh, but I think I overdo it. My social skills are not all there.

The truth is melancholy.

I have figured that some people are more genetically gifted than others, duh. These people will glide through life no matter where they go. I find that unfair, but, of course, everything is unfair. Even the genetically condemned give in to the beauty of the the gifted. No wonder the most beautiful survive. It will always be like this. Nothing will ever change.

My internet has a talent. It angers me.

Reading does not give me the escape that it used to. I used to read to escape from my monotonous life, but I can't escape anymore. My attention span has shrunken greatly and I cannot concentrate on a piece of literature at all.  Maybe I just haven't found the right book yet. I am a very picky reader. I usually only settle for fantasy romance stories where the girl is strong willed but weakened by her love. I love typical love stories.

I am awake at 5 AM writing a blog that will not be read.

I think my ability to sleep at night has dwindled. I am awake at 5 AM and I am not even sleepy. The sad part is that I have been  bored all night. There has been nothing extraordinary about tonight. I spent it playing Plants vs. Zombies, watching Gossip Girl, and consuming an excess amount of lipids. Maybe what is really keeping me up at night is my head. I have not been able to stop thinking about school. My thoughts consume me and unfortunately the thoughts aren't optimistic. I have become mediocre at everything.  I can never be the best at something without imploding. The only thing bringing me down is me. I bathe in self pity for nothing.

Chuck Bass is a blessing.

Sometimes I wish that I didn't care. People who don't care are free from having to meet expectations. Everyday I think that I might be talented but then I remember that there are millions of people out there with a thousand times more talent and training.

I am lost.

I am aware that my blog post is a little dark so I'll post a very sweet picture to lighten the mood.

We'll tango later, chango.

A Metamorphosis on 12.12.12.

I read a few lines of an entry that I posted a few months ago and I must say that I experienced the "Oh no... Did I really write that?" moment. It has a been a while since I have posted on this site and I feel different. I might not be older by an obscene amount, but I feel that I have changed greatly. I am not that little push over anymore. I have learned how to say no and it feels great and horrible at the same time. I haven't been able to completely grow out of my childish bad habits, though. I still feel weak when someone offends me. I still procrastinate horribly to avoid situations that I'm afraid of and if I'm not mistaken, I have become meaner. Since I've become meaner, though, I've been able to focus on my happiness more than on other's happiness. My niche is not to make others happy but to make myself happy.

We intertwined. :)

 I know that my time of being a child is approaching its end and I'm frightened to think of the future. Of course my future will be filled with change and with change comes hardships and prosperities but I find the concept frightening  It is like looking into a crystal ball but not having the powers to actually see the future. I turned 17 a month ago and, to be honest, I felt melancholy about it. One more year and I will migrate to a city full of strangers full of hostility and distance.

Prom is playing in my head.

I have classified people into 3 groups. These groups are: the passionate hard workers, the lazy and talented, and the passionate and talented. Out of these three groups, my favorite are the passionate hard workers. These people are the ones who are not the most talented. They are not naturally born with skills. They work to achieve their success. It is so overwhelming sometimes to be a hard worker who just isn't good enough. Everywhere that I look, I see a hard worker sink into the shadow of a naturally talented person. That happens so often. It makes me sick but that is the ugly truth. There will always be people who take their talents for granted. One must only continue to work hard and never give up.

It would be wonderful to sleep through problems.

One of my biggest fear is failure. The fact that my mind is consumed with the thought of failure leads me to believe that I am slowly going downhill. Nothing has been the same this year. I have felt numb for  a few months because I found out that my ultimate goal had been crushed to pieces. The quality of my activities dwindled and I lost my way. I forgot what I had been striving for my entire life. The only thing saving me from great depression was a special person, well that special person and Gossip Girl and food and a friend or two, haha. (So much for ONE thing...)

I'm trying to finish this entry before the date changes. D:

One last thing...  I feel in love with the show, Gossip Girl. It is full of drama and surprise. Those are the two elements that can make a show interesting to me. To top it off, it has an amazing love story. The love story is so rocky. I do not know how the relationship survives but it does. :) I will explain more later.

A book is an escape.

Today is 12.12.12. I usually do not make a fuss about events like these, but it is a big deal. I'm glad that I could be part of this. I might never see a repeated date again and I want to make sure that I take advantage of the opportunity that I have. THE WORLD WILL NOT END..... hopefully.

I will post music, shows, pictures, and celebrities that I find amusing on the next entry.

So long, and thanks for all the fish.

G&M Magazine

G&M Magazine

Well, this is the link to a magazine that two talented ladies are trying to get started. They have a bright future ahead. Go support! :)